drops of faith

this was probably one of the worst weeks i have ever had.  there has just been so much sadness in my heart surrounded by multiple disappointments. by friday i was at the end of myself wondering if anyone really cared, especially Jesus.

i have been pondering over those verses in 2 corinthians where paul is talking about God's grace being sufficient for him and all of this crap about power in weakness.  i just don't get it.  it seems so opposite for me.  my belief is based so much on my circumstance and whether i feel like i am being cared for.  i am ready for that to change.  i want to believe God is who he is and that he has called me his own and that changes everything.

jesus has been so gracious to us the past 2 days.  if i were him i wouldn't give any mercy to someone who is as messed up as me, but he does.  and its amazing.  i love how i can't even believe on my own and he comes and gives me little drops of faith.

on friday derek went to pick up our jeep that was in the shop and when he went to pay for it, the guy said that it had already been paid for.  amazing.  my dad is amazing.  and sneaky.

derek and i had been planning all week to go on a date saturday night.  even though we didn't really have enough money to go, we decided our mental and marital health were more important than financial stability.  derek decided where we were going and so last night we went to the purple onion in downtown saluda.  we had never been before, but it was one of the cutest restaurants ever.  they had live music and it was just one of those times where you knew you were in the right place.  we ran into a few people we knew, mike deaton, my boss' husband and becca's mom and step-father, whom we adore.  we had a fabulous meal, with great wine and a fabulous swordfish entree (which we split).  as we were finishing up, our adorable waiter (whom i am sure needs to be dating one of my friends), told us our meal had been paid for.  i just started balling.  it was just one of those moments where you felt God's presence and you knew everything was okay.  

so, this week has been a turning point in my grief, where i am realizing for the first time in over 9 months that God really does have my best interests in mind and he is caring for me.  this morning at church, josiah was preaching on the spirit's work in our lives and when he is referred to as our "guide", it really means "way-shower".  the spirit is in our lives to take us to the way, Jesus.  i am sensing that he is guiding me towards Jesus.  i found more encouragement in remembering that even Jesus asked for the cross to be taken away if there was another way.  and that in my pain, asking for a way out is okay, but it may be through that pain that i really experience a deeper understanding of Christ's love, grace, and mercy to me.